Commandeered into watching Made In Chelsea by my youngest brother (age 23) who lives with us (there’s an hour of my life I’m never getting back) it got me thinking…if I was a reality TV Mum how would I describe myself?

MADE IN CHELSEA MUMMY – you are the master of the awkward silence…ensuring your child fills in the gap and admits all misdemeanours – readily! Pushchair? The nanny will be pushing your little one in a traditional Silver Cross.

Perfect Baby Gift: Anything exclusively luxurious: Mumma Love Organics to soothe, settle and calm little ones

Drink of Choice: Champagne cocktail

TOWIE MUM – You may well have told your little darlings to ‘sha up’. Their pearly whites are gleaming and they’re booked in for their first spray tan before you’ve got them a nursery place. You’ll take the Bugaboo out the back of the bling car to pop into your friend’s (for that week) boutique.

Perfect Baby Gift: Naturally Cool Kids Sun Tan Lotion – while a fake tan is the must have look for Essex mums, babies skin is super precious and a baby with a tan is so not a good look babes.

Drink of choice: Mojito

GEORDIE SHORE MAM – eeee man, there’s anly mam’s in Newcastle (castle as in battle) ya knas. Divannt be worried pet, Geordie mams are reet canny and will be sure to produce only bonny lads. They’ll take nay sh*te from the bairns.

Perfect Baby Gift: The Poddle Pod – a baby naptime nest. Not too expensive, looks mint and all your mates’ll want one!

Drink of choice: double vodka red bull

BIG BRMOTHER– You’re a helicopter mum who won’t let the kids out of your sight. You hover over them continuously and direct them in everything they do.

Perfect Baby Gift: A Baby Monitor – one with screen of course

Drink of choice: You don’t really mind as long as you don’t know the brand.

BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT MUMSTAR – You are the mum that secures the best seat at the children’s Nativity play – front row in the middle! You’re happy to sit there for the duration and can’t see anything wrong with the solo violinist who is only marginally better than the sound of nails being dragged down a blackboard.

Perfect Baby Gift: Emma-Jane Maternity Next Generation Feeding Bra – fits cups B-F – a talent all of its own!

Drink of choice: White wine out of a plastic cup

Emma-Jane - Next Generation Padded Nursing Bra

I’M A CELEBRITY MUM – Definitely the outdoors type! You’re a parent who’s happy for the kids to take risks. You’ll be encouraging them to jump off the 5m board as soon as the can swim. Pockets full of snails and poo on the shoe are all signs of a healthy, active child. A buggy? You can’t manage a buggy up Scar Fell Pyke you know – it’s a carrier all the way!

Perfect Baby Gift: Charlie Banana Real Nappies from Fill Your Pants

Drink of choice: A brew from a flask or a can of cold lager that’s been chilling in the stream.

nappy trial

POP IDOL PARENT: You think you’re in touch and down with the kids but you’re not!

Perfect Baby Gift: A subscription to Mother & Baby magazine

Drink of Choice: Hooch

X-FACTOR MUM – You are supermum. The one we all aspire to be like. The kids are a dream (eat, sleep, no tantrums), everything is organised, home-cooked tea on the table, five a day consumed and bedtime goes like clockwork….be very aware though, the wheels may come off during adolescence!

Perfect Baby Gift: Playtoes booties – practical and fun

Drink of choice: A glass of red – good for the heart!

Bumblebee Shoe  Butterfly Shoe

The answer is I’m a little bit of all of them. And you???

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