A Baker’s Dozen of Mums

Playground Politics

I’ve been a playground mum for six years now and have three diddlers at primary school. In the early days I just assumed we (mums) would all pretty much be on the same pageish. How wrong I was! The art of mastering the playground and understanding the dynamics of the different mummy groups is a science! So, here’s my list of 13. Can you see yourself?

1. The Organiser. Probably PTA member (or wannabe). Collections, mums night out, joint parties….if you need something doing find this mum!
2. The Helicopter Mum. She hovers never more than a step away from her child – in case she needs to rescue him. Honestly…”STEP AWAY FROM THE CHILD!”
3. The Last Minute Mum. Invariably ‘just in time’ often late. This mum is last to the playground every day. Best intentions for sure and works on the principle of “I’ll just…put the washing in/load the dishwasher/run the hoover round…” and that makes her late!
4. The Gossip. Knows everything and everyone’s name. Could be a secret Facebook stalker!
5. The Aggravator. She kicks up a fuss about the smallest thing and is sure to be the Facebook nazi…looking for playground validation confirming it’s simply outrageous that the school swopped fishfingers for chicken nuggets without first informing her – how dare they! She’s the one the teachers are secretly saying “smile and wave girls”.
6. The Inspiration. Aka SuperMum. How does she do it? An army of kids, responsible job, on top of everything, bakes, sews, is funny and relaxed.
7. The Mum in Need. Each mum in the playground takes her turn at this.
8. The WAG. Heels, full make-up and hair done – always!
9. The Loud Mouth. Every playground has one. Is it you? Forhorn Leghorn!
10. The Working Mum. Never there at pick up or drop off. No one really knows you and you don’t know them. Battling guilt – frequently! Playdates and tea have to be scheduled.
11. The Extreme Mum. Super size, super skinny, super fit…these mums exist at the spectrum’s end!
12. The Lone Dad….will seek out other lone dad. Happy to chat, rarely initiates conversation.
13. The Childminders – all seeing, all knowing!